Secrets That Heal
by EmmettMonkeyMan
Summary: Sequel to 'Secrets that Kill.' Battling through the past and the loss of Rosalie, Edward and Bella are now becoming parents. What will happen when they are both thrust into the world of parenthood? Will they survive? And what surprises are in store for them? Will they be able to handle their emotions, thoughts and relapses with a baby on the way? *Mature themes-dark pasts.*
1. Reflecting Feelings

**Story Name: Secrets that Heal**

**Chapter Name: Reflecting Feelings**

**Protection: **© Copyright 2012 EmmettMonkeyMan™. All rights reserved.

**Summary: **Sequel to 'Secrets that Kill.' Bella and Edward are still battling through their pasts and trying to grasp the loss of their dear sister and friend, Rose. What will happen when they are both thrust into the world of parenthood? Will they survive? And what surprises are in store for them? Will they be able to handle their emotions, thoughts and relapses with a baby on the way? *better than it sounds.*

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Ages:

**Bella – 17**

**Edward – 17**

**Emmett – 18**

**Rosalie – 17**

**Jasper – 17**

**Alice – 16**

**Charlie – 43**

**Carlisle – 36**

**Esme - 35**

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(All of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

4 months pregnant

Bella Swan

I smiled at Edward as I lifted my head out of the baby book I was reading, and watched him as he walked from the door with a parcel in his hand.

"Another present?" I asked, rolling my eyes as he set the box down beside me.

He grinned as he took a seat. "Yup. Probably one from 'Aunt Alice'," He murmured, pointing out the fuzzy baby stickers on the outside of the box.

I shook my head with a small grin as I pulled the box towards me and opened it with a little help from Edward. I slid the gift out which was neatly wrapped in light yellow tissue paper. "Alice is going way overboard with the whole thing..." I grumbled unhappily as I slowly unfolded the tissue.

Edward smiled, disposing the box and then peering at the gift. "Alice will be Alice. After everything she's just excited to focus on something new. It is her first time being an Auntie…"

I rolled my eyes as I stared down at the petite outfits in front of me. "Yup, and your sister isn't afraid to tell everyone that. These outfits are so pretty though." I whispered.

Edward took the 3 outfits from me – examining them with a soft smile. All 3 of them were a soft, cream color with various patterns. One had a giraffe saying "One day I'll be as tall as my daddy." Another had a small girl on it with the words, "If you think I'm pretty, wait till you see my mom." And the final one had a row of cute, cartoon jungle animals across the center. They were all very cute and I was suddenly thankful for the support we were getting.

Esme, Carlisle and Charlie had put some money together to buy Edward and I a small 2 bedroom house in Port Angeles. Small because I had complained that they simply couldn't buy us a house. I wouldn't have minded staying with Charlie or at the Cullen's. I kind of felt a little sad that we were away from the rest of the family.

Carlisle and Esme had managed to talk to the school and we were sent tests and finals over the internet and through mail to complete. Online tutors were available for the both of us too and we were able to talk to the teachers and students back in Forks for any help we needed. For the major tests, we would have to go back to Forks.

We'd been living in the house together for 3 months, and everyday I was starting to get a lit bit more comfortable. Edward was working on the 2nd bedroom and was turning it – very slowly but carefully – into a nursery for our unborn baby.

After the funeral, we'd gone home to the Cullen's for a small celebration of Rose's life by watching old video clips of her as a child. I'd finally worked up the courage to tell everyone that Edward and I were having a baby. They'd reacted a lot better than I'd expected them to, and it seemed that the baby was a big distraction from the event that had occurred. Of course, that didn't mean we had forgotten Rose. She was in our thoughts everyday.

The following day after the funeral, Carlisle and Esme took me to the hospital whilst Charlie was at work to see how the baby was doing. We found out that I had been a month pregnant. It didn't surprise me too much. I had guessed right.

So now, here we were, gathered around our small kitchen table sorting through another of Alice's packages. She'd sent almost 15 over the last 3 months. I was 4 months pregnant and everything was going good. The rest of the family were planning on coming up on my 5th month – hoping to find out the gender.

All of the family had had a massive discussion about this. Charlie, Esme, Alice, Jasper and Edward were convinced the baby was a girl. Carlisle, Emmett, and I were convinced it was a boy. The conversation had stirred up many battles.

"Love?" Edward murmured softly, brushing the hair from my face. "Are you alright?"

I nodded, rubbing soothing circles over the small bump that had appeared a few weeks ago. "I'm fine. I was just thinking about all that has happened over the last few months. It's truly frightening."

He smiled and walked off to the kitchen to raid the fridge. "It's gone frighteningly fast." I could hear the smirk in his voice. "Imagine it, huh? Me and you – parents."

I shook my head and tried not to cringe at the fact. Edward and I had a serious discussion about the future and our baby. We'd settled down the week of the funeral and talked about our plans. Edward was afraid that I wanted to abort the baby but I assured him that that was my last resort. I could never kill an innocent child like that.

We'd also discussed the 'message' that had come from this. I was afraid to tell Edward what I'd been thinking, but he'd taken my words seriously and calmly. I thought that this was a message from God. I'd found out I was pregnant just days before Rose passed away. Did that count for something?

_Someone lives, and someone dies._

I shivered and got up from the table. "It's just really weird. I'd never think we'd be parents – and so soon."

Edward turned from the fridge – a cherry inches from his mouth. "Well, you better start believing it because that little _nudger_ will be here in 5 months." He approached me slowly and rested a cool hand on my stomach.

I smiled at the thought of him touching my baby – our baby. "You're going to be a great daddy, you know that? _He's_ going to love you a lot."

He bent down and kissed my bulging belly before straightening back up to kiss me. "And you're going to be a great mommy. _She _is going to love you."

I found it amusing that we didn't agree on the baby's sex. It didn't worry me though – I knew we would both love him or her, no matter the gender.

"Do you want to come to the store with me?" He asked quietly, his eyes traveling to my bump. "You don't have to. I know you don't like the looks."

"What are you going for?"

He shrugged softly. "I want to look for some wall art or stickers for the room. I know we don't know the gender but there are a lot of gender-neutral things out there that are pretty cute."

I wanted to be in my baby's life as much of possible. I couldn't let the thoughts of others ruin our life. "It's alright; I want to come with you."

He grinned happily and let out a slow breath. "God, thank you Bella. I know how hard this is for you."

"It's alright." I whispered, swallowing the nervousness.

We didn't live far from town so it took it us only 10 minutes to get into the main section of town where most of the baby shops were. I was glad that Edward was supportive during this. Normally people so young would run away from a situation so difficult. I was so grateful that Esme and Carlisle had raised their children to be smart, caring adults.

As we sauntered down the isles of cuddly toys, cribs and strollers, I tried to hold in my tears. If Rose had been here she would have been so happy. She'd told me before that she loved children and that one day she was hoping she could have them. Unfortunately Rose was ripped from that dream. She was stolen from life altogether. No matter how many times I tried to tell myself that Rose wanted this because she'd tried to take her own life, part of me regretted letting her go so soon in the hospital. If we'd kept life support on for a few days more, would Rose be with us now?

"Bella," Edward whispered, pulling me to my side and stroking my hair gently. He knew I was thinking about her. I did it often. He was hurting too. "I know it hurts – I know you're thinking about how much she'd love this. It's alright, Bella. She's probably looking down on us right now begging us to be happy. She'll always be in our hearts, Bella."

I nodded, swiping at my tears as we came to a rack of bright paints and wall accessories. "They are kind of pretty…" I started quietly.

I picked out a clear packaging of 'Winnie the Pooh' wall stickers. They were a nice, cream color. Definitely not too bright. It included all the characters. There was one of Piglet hanging onto a small pink balloon; one of Winnie and Christopher Robin holding hands; another of Eeyore with his head down; one of Roo and Kanga cuddling together; one of Tigger bouncing on his tale. I thought they were perfect.

Edward took the art from me; studying them with a ghost of a smile on his lips. "They're beautiful. Rose and I loved watching Winnie the Pooh as kids. We even watched them when we spent hours at the hospital when she had Anorexia."

I knew at that moment we had to get them. "We're getting them." I said determinedly.

Edward didn't object, just dropped them into the cart. As we walked around the large store, we also picked up some tins of cream and white paint, and a lot of Winnie the Pooh accessories. We had finally decided the theme of the nursery, and we were both pleased with the results.

An exhausted half hour later, I relaxed into the soft leather of Edward's car as we pulled away from the town. I was thankful that today hadn't been one of those days where everyone stared at me. I couldn't handle it. God knows how many times I'd cried to Edward because of the attention I was getting.

We drove in silence, but Edward kept glancing at from the corner of his eye every so often. He eventually handed me over the phone that was vibrating and chiming in the safety of his jeans.

"Hello?" I muttered, clearing my voice so that I could be heard by the other person.

"Bella!" The bubbly, happy voice screeched over the line.

I closed my eyes for a brief second because I felt a headache coming on. "Hi Alice."

She made a weird cheering sound before speaking to me again. Alice surprised me sometimes. "Did you get my gift?"

I smiled softly at the memory of the wonderful outfits she'd sent. "We did Alice. They were so perfect and beautiful. Thank you; we both loved them."

I could hear her smile even from over the phone. "I'm so glad you did! So are you wondering why I called?"

Shooting Edward a small but frightened look, I held the phone back to my ear. "Um…sure?"

"We're coming to visit! We'll be there in a few days." She yelled; Emmet hollering a 'hell yeah!' in the background.

I stifled my laugh and told them that we were pleased. She hung up the phone just as we were pulling up in the small driveway of our house. I sighed tiredly. "Your family is so…"

"Exhausting?" Edward offered as he climbed out of the door and got the bags from the backseat.

"Something like that."

Pregnancy was really taking a toll on me. All I ever wanted to do was eat and sleep. I was grumpy a lot too. It didn't go unnoticed by Edward but he was being a good sport about it. I had to give it to him; he was a wonderful man.

I settled down on the couch after making sure Edward was okay with sorting through the bags. He told me he was. I pulled out the heavy baby book from under the coffee table and turned to a new page. We'd taken up the tradition of writing to our unborn child ever since Alice gave us the book.

**Little Nudger,**

**It's been a long day. A really long day. I'm still finding it hard to process that you're really on your way. It seems like just yesterday that I was breaking down in the Cullen's bathroom with a pregnancy test in my hands. I kept it secret because I was so scared. Now I wish I'd just told someone. Rose, even. The guilt I carry is so heavy. She had the chance to know. I was going to tell her, but your Auntie Rose slipped from my grasp before I could tell her. I'm so, so sorry. I really wanted you to know your Auntie Rose. She was such a wonderful girl – so caring and funny. She always knew how to calm me and make me feel better. Everyday I wish there was something I could do. She would've loved you, and you would love her too.**

**Everyone tells me that she's looking down on us both – sending us love and good will – but I'm still unsure. What if she's angry at me for not telling her? I often wonder that maybe if I had told her I was pregnant with you then maybe this all wouldn't have happened. She may have not died that day in the meadow. You would have saved her.**

**Anyway, I don't want to use this book to whine at you. I just want you to look back on this when you're old enough and see how your life began.**

**It started in an odd situation – one me and your dad will explain one day – but neither of us regret creating you or keeping you. Everyday we love you more and more. We're grasping the role of being parents as each day goes on. I can't wait to meet you. Neither can everyone else. I know you'll be beautiful.**

**I'm still thinking you're a boy, but if you do turn out to be a girl, then I'll love you still. Nothing will change that.**

**I love you,**

**Mommy.**

**X.**

* * *

Hey guys :') Welcome back;D This is the first chapter of the sequel to Secrets that Kill :) Are you all happy and excited? I hope that everyone understands the chapter, if not, just message me, you know what to do :') Of course I can't answer you if you don't sign in;D anyway, I'll try my best :)**  
**

Thanks for coming on this journey with me and making this happen :) Do you guys want long chapters like this or the normal length? I know long chapters can become a little tiring to read.

REVIEW GUYS! With Edward on top, please? :) Reviews make me update and make me write more of the story :) They're my energy!:)

xxxx


	2. Moving Forwards

**Story Name: Secrets that Heal**

**Chapter Name: Moving Forwards**

**Protection: **© Copyright 2012 EmmettMonkeyMan™. All rights reserved.

**Summary: **Sequel to 'Secrets that Kill.' Bella and Edward are still battling through their pasts and trying to grasp the loss of their dear sister and friend, Rose. What will happen when they are both thrust into the world of parenthood? Will they survive? And what surprises are in store for them? Will they be able to handle their emotions, thoughts and relapses with a baby on the way? *better than it sounds.*

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(All of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

"Alice," I greeted as she walked up the driveway. She bounced towards me in her own little way and gracefully skipped to my side. She didn't touch me – knowing the effect it still sometimes had. She never failed to surprise me. How was someone so little, so happy?

"Look at you," She praised – taking in my small bump. "_She's_ getting so big now."

I rolled my eyes as I led her into the house followed by the rest of the Cullen's – except one. As Emmett passed through the door, I stared out at the empty driveway with a small ache in my chest. I stood there for a few quiet minutes; expecting Rose to pop out from behind one of the small trees with a big grin on her face. She didn't, and the ache in my chest filled. I rubbed at my small bump obliviously and stepped back inside.

I joined Edward on the small chair in the corner of the cozy front room and curled up against him. He pulled me closer to him protectively as our eyes praised his family.

"I thought you were visiting next month?" He offered curiously.

Carlisle smiled and looked around the room. We hadn't done much to it since it was already fairly nice when we'd moved in. Edward had just painted another, much brighter cream color over the previous paint. "Well, yes, but Alice here was very restless to come see you two. I don't think the whole split thing is working." A small frown appeared on his face and he reached to hold Esme's hand in his own.

"What do you mean?" Edward spoke for the both of us. I was confused too. What was Carlisle trying to say? He wasn't normally the one to beat around the bush.

Esme rubbed her husband's knee gently and sighed before looking up at us under her lashes. "What Carlisle is trying to say is that the house is oddly quiet lately. No one knows what to do. The silence gives us all time to think." She murmured softly and I saw the glint of a tear in her eye. "We spend most of the days wondering how you are both doing and if everything is going okay. We worry."

"Are you trying to say that we should come back?" I asked. Could we just move back to Forks like that? What about the baby's room we'd done here? What about the house?

Emmett seemed quite at home as he slouched against the couch. "That's exactly what they're trying to say." He shot a grin our way. "Really, everyone just wants you back. Port Angeles isn't that far away but we want to be in the baby's life too."

"What are we supposed to do with the house?" Edward asked. "We're in the middle of decorating the nursery already…"

"I know it seems absurd and quick, especially since you've only been in the house a few months, but we all think its best if you two came home where we can w-." Carlisle cut himself off and looked away guiltily. "I mean, where we can be in the baby's life."

Esme nodded and sat up a little straighter. "We don't want to just visit all the time; we'd really love having you guys home. We didn't realize how different it would be with you two living away. We can sort out the arrangements of what we're going to do with this house. There are a lot of willing buyers that probably want it, and we can easily transfer all your things back home and make a new nursery."

They wanted us home. They wanted us back because they didn't see us enough and wanted the baby in their lives. I could see their point, and I had been thinking about how different Port Angeles was to Forks. In Forks, people would be upon us about the baby, but I knew them. Port Angeles was different and most of the people were rude. They didn't approve about mine and Edward's decision. And I wanted my dad to be closer to the baby too. He couldn't leave work much to drive out to Port Angeles.

"I'm with you on whatever you choose, love." Edward murmured softly in my ear.

I nodded and looked back at his family. "It'd be really great to come home, but I'm not going to rush into the decision. Can we have some time to think?"

Alice squealed and moved from her position on the couch next to Jasper. "You can have all the time you want! I'm going to work on the nursery as soon as I get home to surprise you!"

My gaze met Edward's and we both frowned lightly. "Ah, Alice," Edward warned his sister. "Bella and I would like to work on the nursery…"

Alice's smile dropped for a second and I felt so bad. All she wanted to do was help. "Oh…that's okay." The spring in her step faltered as she moved to sit back down. I felt terrible.

"Alice, maybe I can let you go out and get some stuff...We're going for a Winnie the Pooh theme." I smiled at her; trying to show that I appreciated her help.

Her smile returned and she agreed with me quickly.

As Edward walked his brothers' outside to show off the yard we had, and Carlisle and Alice went to look around the place, Esme and I sat at the old computer I'd brought from Charlie's. Esme had told me she wanted to show me something and I was more than happy to listen and watch.

She was a like a mother to me. Sometimes I was afraid to get close to her because I didn't want to replace my own mother but ever since Rose passed, we had seemed to grow closer.

I watched silently as Esme moved the mouse across the screen; bringing up the old internet browser and then moving up to the link bar. I sat totally speechless as a solid, pink color began spilling over the white loading page. As the rest of the website began to fill, tears fell down my eyes in pride, loss and hope.

A white banner ran along the top of the page with the words 'Rosalie Cullen' in dark pink block letters. Underneath her name was a slightly smaller text in a light pink curly font with the words, 'The legacy lives on.' On either side of the words were two little cartoons flowers and butterflies and my heart swelled in my chest.

Esme had made a memorial page for Rose.

I watched in silent awe as Esme pointed out all the tabs on the page. She had even set up a fund (with the help of Charlie and the community of Forks) to help people like Rose. My heart was completely touched by all that Esme had done.

Any money raised or given to Rose's fund would help pay for medical treatment for others who were diagnosed with BPD like Rose, and to set up events where the Cullen's would talk and offer support and help to those who self-harmed or needed someone there. Esme was prepared and dedicated to helping prevent suicide. She didn't want anyone else to have to go through what Rose and we went through. Esme was a wonderful person.

I couldn't stop the tears from falling when Esme clicked on the tab 'Rose – a daughter, a sister, a friend.' The page was solid pink with a medium sized square placed right in the middle. When Esme move the mouse in front of it, the white box moved. Esme had put together a slideshow with Edward's song to pictures and video clips of Rose. I wanted to sob like a little baby and beg for Rose to come back.

As we explored the website more, I felt more and more happy but upset at the same time. It was an impossible feeling, and I was so proud of Esme. She was being so strong. Before I could comprehend what I was doing, I pulled Esme into my arms and cried into her chest.

She was shocked – Esme and I hadn't touched each other because of the panic attacks. She was even more surprised when I did nothing from her touch. She brought her arms around me and gently rocked the both of us.

"Oh Esme!" I poured out. "It's the most beautiful thing ever! Rose would be so proud!"

She pulled us apart and smiled at me slightly before reaching to wipe away the tears. "Thank you, Bella. She would be proud of you also – look how far you've come. You've nearly got the whole panic situation behind you."

I smiled softly and nodded. "I guess so. But only with people I trust. I love you all so much and you're like my family. I hope I can show Charlie one day."

"You will." She said confidently, giving her website one last look before closing it down. She then moved on to YouTube and signed into an account with the same name as Rose's fund. As the computer signed her in, she told me about her plans for videos she was hoping to upload. She asked me to put together a video about what the Fund was and Rose's story. I promised her I'd do it with Edward when I felt ready. She was delighted.

I was so glad that a part of Rose was still with us. She would want to help others with her story. She didn't want us to break down. I hoped silently that she could see us and all that we were doing.

When Edward brought the boys back into the front room, I was reading on the couch with my hand on my belly. He came over to me with a small smile and brushed the stray tears from my face. "Are you alright?"

I nodded. "Your mother showed me what she did on the computer. She made a website for Rose and a YouTube!" I exclaimed in shock.

He nodded. "She told me about it a few weeks ago but back then she wasn't sure if she should do it or not. She was afraid to share Rose with everyone. You know, it's a personal thing that we're going through and now the world can see it. I assured her that this would help more lives than it affected so she went ahead and set it up."

"It's a really great thing. Rose would be proud."

The rest of the day, we went out for a meal (where Carlisle watched me intently on my food intake) and then went downtown for a while (for Alice's sake.) When we finally arrived back home, it was 6pm and I was just about ready to collapse.

Edward slid one arm around my waist and guided me over to my favorite chair. He lowered me down and rubbed my aching shoulders soothingly. "I'm sorry." He murmured.

I looked up at him. "For what?"

He grinned. "For not protecting you from Alice."

I laughed and looked over to the chaos she was creating in the kitchen. She was sitting on a chair against the island, rummaging through the huge shopping bags in front of her. She was screaming at Emmett to stop touching her things and he was teasing her even more by ignoring her protests. Jasper was stood against the counter top with his arms over his chest – taking in the situation with an amused smirk.

I'd seen Esme and Carlisle sneak off to the backyard for some privacy.

"Your family is just unbelievable." I grumbled, wincing at the ache in my left shoulder. It was really hurting. "I seriously can't keep up with them all."

He grinned. "I've had to live with these people since I was 3."

"Which makes you used to it," I joked as I lightly punched him in the side.

He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed it softly and then continued to hold onto it. "I can't believe we're going to be parents." His voice was heavy with emotion as he blinked and stared off from me. "It's so unreal."

I rubbed our joined hands gently, sensing his stress, and brought him closer to me so I could stroke his cheek. "I know what you mean, but we have to just do all that we can. I know it's hard, but we have to do this. He'll need us." I said quietly, stroking my baby in my belly.

He nodded, and I swear I saw the slight hint of tears in his beautiful eyes. He was so afraid. He'd told me he was scared of messing up and he only wanted what was best. He was beating himself up about this.

I watched him silently as he took a deep breath and reached under the coffee table for our book. He settled himself on the floor and stared at the blank page before finally writing an entry.

I got up and peered over his shoulder as he wrote.

**Hey baby, its daddy again.**

**Another day has passed and I'm once again having one of my moments. You already know I love you so much and that I'll always be here for you, but I just feel so lost and broken. Mommy and I are being forced to grow up. In a few months time, our life will be centered on taking care of you and trying to make decisions that will help you. We won't be able to think about ourselves anymore. Not that I mind too much – you deserve everything in life. Well, every good thing. **

**I'm just so lost on what to do. Your mother and I aren't exactly the happiest and healthiest people in the world, and we have our struggles, and now what we do is going to affect you too. You're way too young to listen to our problems and understand them now, but they are so serious and so deep that I don't want you getting hurt.**

**I love you so much, and the excitement inside me is growing. I really can't wait to meet you, little angel. You're already my world – well except from your momma. She means a lot to me too. **

**I promise you now that I will do everything I can to make things better. For all of us. I want you to have a long, happy life – one you'll look back on and be proud of. I know that no matter what we'll do, we'll always love you. I hope you'll love us too. You're coming into a family that will love and help you whenever they can. **

**Everyday brings us closer, and I can't wait to see your beautiful, little face.**

**I love you to infinity and beyond,**

**Daddy **

**X**

* * *

READ; I'd like to point out again that this is the SEQUEL to Secrets that Kill and that you probably won't understand anything unless you've read Secrets that Kill first! Thank you!

Edward and Bella are growing up so much, aren't they? Look at this Edward and Bella and then the ones in the first story - Secrets that Kill. They've come so far, but their struggles are far from over! I wonder how they'll cope with a baby;D**  
**

PLEASE REVIEW! You know the drill;D

I love you!


	3. Rose's Room

**Story Name: Secrets that Heal**

**Chapter Name: Rose's Room**

**Protection: **© Copyright 2012 EmmettMonkeyMan™. All rights reserved.

**Summary: **Sequel to 'Secrets that Kill.' Bella and Edward are still battling through their pasts and trying to grasp the loss of their dear sister and friend, Rose. What will happen when they are both thrust into the world of parenthood? Will they survive? And what surprises are in store for them? Will they be able to handle their emotions, thoughts and relapses with a baby on the way? *better than it sounds.*

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(All of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

"Bella," Edward tugged on my hand lightly, pushing me gently into the car. I stifled a small sigh and settled myself into the passenger seat. It had been two weeks since the family had arrived, and we had finally made our decision. We were going home. I was both nervous and excited.

Was Forks such a good idea?

"It's alright, Bella." Edward whispered as he pulled away from the house – his hands resting calmly on the steering wheel. He wasn't afraid at all. I was just scared that Forks might bring bad memories. I was already missing Rose so much.

I nodded. "I know. I'm just worried about going back to the house." A shiver ran through me at the thought of the room Rose and I had shared.

Edward released a small sigh. "I know exactly what you mean."

The drive was a quick, quiet 1 hour one, and all too soon we were driving up the long driveway to the Cullen's mansion.

The house was just as grand as it always was – it's coated white walls still bright and new. Esme had done a great job keeping it in order. I was surprised that there wasn't an odd, longing feeling around the house because of Rose's lack of appearance. I'd felt it the last few weeks after Rose had died, and I was surprised it still wasn't there. I didn't know whether I was happy or sad about it. In a way, I was happy the feeling wasn't going to make anyone feel low, but did not having the empty feeling around mean the house had forgotten about Rose altogether?

I pushed back my thoughts and quietly rubbed my bulging stomach as Edward helped me out of the car.

Before we could even get up onto the porch, Esme came running out of the door; a huge smile on her face. However, it looked slightly off. There was a light black edge around her eyes that was smudged, and I could only assume that her eyeliner had run from tears she'd previously cried. My heart broke for her as she pulled Edward and me into a hug.

"It's so good to see you both again." Her voice was soft and gentle and it reminded me just how much I still missed my own mom. The last few months I'd been slightly better at letting the Cullen's touch me, and I was putting it down to my mom. She'd want me to be happy and have people touching me like normal. I didn't need to keep her touch – she was in my thoughts everyday.

"The delivery van came 2 hours earlier." Esme continued. "Your stuff is all sorted out. I'm sorry you didn't bring all your stuff."

"Its fine," Edward smiled at his mother, taking my hand and leading us into the huge house. "We decided that it was best to bring as little as we could. Where did you put it?"

Esme smiled back as she joined her husband on one of the small loveseats. "We put all of your things in your room, Edward – so you can both share. We can easily replace the bed. We left the baby's things on the hallway…" She halted for a second. "We weren't sure what room you wanted…"

"Thank you."

What else was there to say? These people were so caring.

"Hi Bella!" A little voice called from the stairs.

I smiled up at the voice; already seeing Alice's tiny form running down the last few steps. She ran across the front room; her little feet sliding across the solid floor, before she crashed into my open arms.

I laughed lightly. "Hey, Alice."

Once the greetings were over, the normally bubbly Alice shifted on her feet uncomfortably. I grew very nervous watching her. "Um…Bella?"

"Yeah, Alice?"

She swallowed carefully; a clear sign that she was nervous about something. "I kind of…I thought…" She huffed and wrapped her small arms around her frame carefully. "I thought that we could use Rose's room for a nursery."

I took in a sharp breath of air along with Edward.

The silence lasted more than 5 minutes; none of us knowing what to say. Could I just barge into Rose's own personal space and transform it into a nursery? It didn't seem right, but in a way it meant the baby would be closer to Rose. All of this was tearing us apart. Losing someone was definitely the worst feeling in the world.

Alice was staring at the floor and I knew she was afraid of my reaction. It was kind of ironic seeing as Rose was her sister and not mine.

Since it seemed okay with everyone else, and Alice, I took one of her small hands in mine and nodded simply.

The joy that came over her face was indescribable. She was jubilant to say the least. As soon as I'd approved, she'd squealed and bounded off to the stairs – obviously off to plan something for the nursery. I tried to let her help. It was hard though. This was Edward and I's first child and we wanted everything to be special.

Esme smiled at me appreciatively as I lowered myself down into Edward's arms on the couch. "Thank you, Bella." Her words were sincere. "Planning and drawing things keep her happy and distracted."

Carlisle squeezed her hand.

I knew exactly what Esme was talking about. All of us had to keep active and thinking because if we didn't, things would become bad. We'd probably fall into a deep depression and that was the last thing Rose wanted us to be. We had to stay strong for her.

"Well," Edward said loudly; clearly afraid of the silence. He hated to let his mind wander lately. "It feels good to be back."

Emmett, who'd made himself known minutes earlier, grinned and chucked the Wii car controller at his brother. Whilst receiving treatment at the house before, I'd become extremely annoyed at Emmett and his childish ways, but seeing him happy and childlike right now seemed a lot better than what he could have been. He had been extremely close to Rose and was always being the protective big brother. I knew he missed her a lot. I'd been told that he'd even helped Esme on the website.

Edward at that current moment, didn't seem anymore mature than his big brother. He gladly accepted the controller; shuffling me over so that he could have both hands to race his virtual car.

Esme and I shared a knowing look – taking ourselves from the chaos that was seconds away from blowing up in the front room. Edward and Emmett playing Wii games was never a bright idea. They broke something, fought over winning and losing, or acted purely wild. At times like that it was always much safer to just leave them to it and evacuate the room.

I settled myself in one of the chairs in the kitchen and played with my hands. I was still expecting Rose to peer around a corner and smile at me but she never did. We had grown so close. I'd finally found someone who truly cared and who I loved and then she was just ripped right from my grasp. My previous assumptions of being cursed came back in strong waves. I sighed.

"Bella," Esme started, taking a seat opposite me. She slid a glass of water across the solid wood with a small smile. "How are you doing?"

I took the water thankfully and took a small sip. "I guess I'm doing alright. Stress isn't good for the baby. How are you doing?" I looked back up into her crystal clear eyes.

She shrugged; being genuinely honest about her feelings. "Carlisle offered to give me some tablets but I refused. These feelings are part of the healing process."

"It's going to be okay someday." I said quietly; hardly believing it myself. How could things ever be alright again?

She smiled and this time it wasn't forced. "Of course they will. That little baby is going to bring such joy to the family. Truly a blessing. Will you be visiting Charlie today?"

I patted my stomach proudly. My baby was definitely a miracle and a blessing. "No, I'm just going to call him later on. I'll pop around for a bit tomorrow."

She nodded.

We sat in a comfortable silence for a few seconds before Alice called me and I was forced to go join her in Rose's bedroom.

I took the stairs slowly; trying to put off the near event. I didn't know if I could handle walking into Rose's room.

"Come on, Bella." Alice whined once I reached the top of the stairs. She took my hand gently in hers and tugged me to the door I knew so well.

My stomach twisted harshly and I suddenly felt very sick. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Rose and I were supposed to be sat in her room right now discussing baby names or something. "Alice…" I choked. "I don't think I can!"

"Shh, Bella." Alice soothed softly; reaching to touch my shoulders. "I know, I know." She hugged me quickly but comfortably, and then pulled me into the large room.

The breath was knocked out of me at the sight of the all familiar, but now empty room and I fell to my knees. Alice was quick on my case and safely lowered me to the floor. We didn't want to hurt the baby.

"It's like a slap in the face, right?" Alice murmured softly; new tears falling from her eyes.

I nodded numbly. I couldn't tear this room apart. I couldn't get rid of all of Rose's stuff. It was wrong. "I can't just chuck her stuff out…"

Alice shook her head in agreement. "We'll only take away some. Esme will keep it all in the basement. We'll just move the bed and some other things to make room for the changing table, crib, etc. We can keep the white wardrobe; it will go really well."

I nodded. "Alice, will you help Edward and I?"

"Sure!" She agreed enthusiastically. I admired her strength through everything.

I took a look around the room softly and slowly rose to my feet. I swayed slightly but caught myself. I had to do this. The tears fell unwillingly down my cheeks as I ran my hand over every little thing the room held. I was hoping to absorb anything that was around. Rose's touch maybe. I needed her with me.

It seemed so unreal. Was she really gone?

* * *

Aww! Poor Bella and Edward and everyone else. They're going through so much right now:'( Btw, I haven't forgotten about Jasper; he was hiding in his room on Bella and Edward's arrival. Bella's still 4 months pregnant, but don't worry; time will fly by;D haha.

Reviews make me update so much faster so please, please, please get those reviews flying in:') I love them:)


	4. Don't blame yourself

**Story Name: Secrets that Heal**

**Chapter Name: Don't blame yourself  
**

**Protection: **© Copyright 2012 EmmettMonkeyMan™. All rights reserved.

**Summary: **Sequel to 'Secrets that Kill.' Bella and Edward are still battling through their pasts and trying to grasp the loss of their dear sister and friend, Rose. What will happen when they are both thrust into the world of parenthood? Will they survive? And what surprises are in store for them? Will they be able to handle their emotions, thoughts and relapses with a baby on the way? *better than it sounds.*

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(All of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

The next few weeks passed smoothly, surprisingly. Charlie was happy that I was back under his gaze and he came around to the house as often as he could to see me. He was also starting to warm up to Edward – sitting down half hour at a time with him to discuss what being a father meant. I'd rolled my eyes at my dad's attempt to be protective of me. It was quite amusing.

Edward, Alice and I had also paced our schedules on working on the nursery. Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper had removed the stuff from Rose's room and Esme had spent her time carefully arranging and packing away Rose's belongings. She'd given us some of the stuff to keep in our own rooms, including hers. None of us thought that Rose's personal objects deserved to be packed away.

Once the large room had been emptied apart from minor things we wanted to keep – like the huge tree mural on the wall near the wall, the wardrobe and a small little book-shelf – We'd started to design. Edward had decided to let Esme and Alice paint Winnie the Pooh characters around and under the tree already on the white wall. It was truly coming together.

I was at my 20th week of pregnancy and my legs were now starting to ache terribly. Indigestion and heart-burn were also making it difficult for me to lie down in bed comfortably, and so I woke up most mornings feeling extremely grumpy and fed up. Edward was becoming slightly irritant to my midnight bed-tossing but the poor boy was trying his best to soothe me.

According to our stack of baby books, our baby was now at a weight of about 10 ounces and 6 ½ inches in length from the head to the bottom. Carlisle had explained in a much simpler form that our baby was now around the length of a banana (because the baby's legs were still curled up against the torso but he would soon start to level out.)

Though week 20 was a painful one, it was also an exciting one – for everyone. At my appointment today we were hoping that we would find out the gender of our baby.

"How about Superman then?" Emmett suggested, snapping me out of my thoughts.

Edward growled lowly from the side of me – a trait he'd established whenever he was annoyed. "Emmett, no matter what, we are so not calling our child Superman."

Emmett frowned. "Bob? Snow White? Tinkerbell? Dumbo? Fred? Glen? Narnia? Prince Caspian? Lucy? Hello Kitty? Rapunzel? If you were having twins you could have called them Hansel and Gretel."

Esme rolled her eyes softly and shook her head at her son. "Emmett, that is quite enough. Bella and Edward are to decide on the baby's name – though you are free to put in inputs. Suitable ones," She added.

"Fine." Emmett huffed, settling to stand on the porch as Esme helped me into the car.

It was time to go to the hospital. Time to find out how our baby was doing and whether he was a boy or a girl. I was nervous and excited.

I waved to the family as Edward pulled out of the driveway – the car bouncing along the grainy pebbles.

I settled into the seat and stared down at my shaking hands. I hated these appointments. You never knew what would happen.

All too soon, we were pulling up into the small parking lot of Forks hospital. My old doctor in Los Angeles had transferred my files back to Forks for the remaining time of my pregnancy. In a few months time, our baby would be here. It was so scary.

Edward took my hand as we walked into the small waiting room. We'd skipped the front reception – knowing we had to sign in once upstairs anyway. He helped settle me on one of the chairs and I watched the other people around us carefully.

There were so many mothers' – some with partners and some not. I didn't fail to notice that we were the youngest here. I closed my eyes briefly and tried to shake away that thought.

"Isabella Swan?" A familiar voice called from the cozy doorway 10 minutes later.

Edward reached over and squeezed my hand as I released a small sigh. I hated these appointments. The more I had, the closer I was to having the baby. I really did want my little angel to get here, but I was so, so scared. What if I messed up?

"Are you excited?" Edward whispered as we followed the nurse into the small room. I could tell he was smiling.

I nodded softly; too scared to answer. My legs were starting to shake.

Edward helped me up onto the cold bed effortlessly and smiled at the nurse. "Hello Jenna. How are you today?"

"I'm doing well, thank you, Edward. And you, I hope?" She smiled at Edward genuinely as she lifted up my shirt and squirted on the gel.

Edward nodded, taking my hand. "Yes, thank you. Bella and I are very excited."

Jenna smiled at me and apologized for the cold gel as she brought the images up on the screen with the device. I looked at Edward who gave me a confident smile as Jenna studied the moving images.

Knots were always running through my stomach at this point and I thought I was going to throw up.

Jenna looked towards me; a small smile playing on her lips. "Well," She began, running her finger down the middle of the image. "Here's the baby. He looks quite healthy – 2 hands, 2 feet. I am, however, concerned slightly. He is smaller than he should be. I can also estimate by your measurements that he seems to be underweight and slightly undeveloped, but during the next few weeks he may grow exceptionally. I don't want you to worry over this as of now." She smiled, putting down my folder and moving to print out the images for us. "Would you like to guess the gender before I tell you?"

Edward, who didn't seem faltered by the slight bad news, took the images eagerly and moved closer so we could study our baby. He looked so beautiful there; his little form lying in a comfy position. I could make out his little feet and hands and his small head. It was perfection. "What do you think, Bella?"

"I'm still convinced he's a boy." I set determinedly – not faltered by the image of my child. He looked like a boy, but I wasn't sure. The images weren't that clear, at least not to me.

Edward smirked. "Of course you are." He ran his hand down the length of our baby softly and nodded. "Yup. I think girl."

Jenna laughed at our small disagreement and turned the screen towards us. She pointed out some points on the monitor and smiled. "Congratulations you guys – you are having a girl!"

I sat there stunned. I wasn't upset about the news but I'd been so set on a boy that the news was surprising. I found myself grinning wildly, too bewildered to do anything else. I let out a shaky laugh as Edward ran around the room in delight; screaming happily.

Jenna laughed. "I'll give you two a minute." She turned to leave. "Oh, and Bella; please don't worry about what I told you earlier. I'm sure she'll catch up by the next appointment."

I nodded softly; still incredibly worried about the fact that our baby wasn't at the growth she was supposed too.

Edward ran towards me and pulled me off of the exam table excitedly. "Can you believe it Bella?! WE'RE HAVING A GIRL!"

I laughed at his behavior and pulled him out of the hospital as fast as my legs could carry me with a 5-month bulging stomach. "Come on then you; Mr. I-can-predict-the-gender-of-our-baby. Let's go tell Charlie and your family."

He laughed too, pulling me along the parking lot of the hospital and into his Volvo. I was still shocked by the news; not knowing how to react. It was even more official now; we were having a girl.

He pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road carefully; glancing at me once with a small smile on his face. As he indicated to the right, I whipped out my cell-phone and hit number 2 on speed dial – the Cullen house. I knew Charlie would be there now too.

"Hello?" Esme's calm, collective voice came through the speaker.

I smiled softly. "Hi Esme! Put the phone on loud-speaker; we're out of the hospital!"

She let out an excited squeak and fumbled with the phone for a few moments. "EVERYONE!" She yelled. "We're here, Bella!"

I laughed lightly at her eagerness and grinned at Edward. "Are you ready to hear the news?"

"Yes!" I heard Alice yell from somewhere in the background. I also heard my dad grunt out a quiet sound of approval and the others express their opinion in different ways.

"Okay then." I said; deciding to tease them for a little longer. I tilted my head to the side so that I was facing Edward but also so I was gesturing to my phone.

He got the picture and leaned closer, but kept his eyes on the road. We didn't want to crash the car. "It's a girl!"

4 excited 'I told you so!'s from Esme, Alice, Jasper and Charlie, and 2 grunts of "it's great news, but I lost." from Carlisle and Emmett came flying through the speaker.

I laughed, knowing that Emmett, Carlisle and I would get teased for thinking the baby was a boy. We'd kept with our decision, even if the majority had gone with a girl.

"Congratulations guys!" Emmett screeched. "I'm gonna go make up names! Tinkerbell is still standing!" I heard him descend loudly and then Carlisle took over the phone.

"Congratulations Bella, son. We'll see you when you arrive. Stay safe." He told us, before he disconnected.

I slid my phone into my pocket and sighed in content. "A girl huh?" I voiced quietly. "How exciting. Lots and lots of pink, dollies, dresses, boys…"

Edward chuckled. "Alice will have so much fun with that one."

I was amused by the image of Alice fussing over our little princess, but my heart gave a thump of protest when my thoughts strayed to the _other _sister who would have loved a little girl around.

"She would have loved her so much," I whispered quietly. Edward knew who I was talking about. "Can you imagine the look on Rose's face at the birth? At every milestone. She'd be like a second mother."

Edward smiled sadly and reached over to take my hand as he turned onto the long, tree-lined driveway that led to the house. "She would have," He nodded. "But she's looking down on all of us from above. She'll take care of the little nudger."

"I hope so," I grumbled. "Do you think the fact that I had Anorexia and am underweight is what made our little girl under what she's supposed to?"

"Don't blame yourself, love." Edward whispered, pulling up in the driveway and coming around to my side to take my hand and pull me into his warm embrace. "She's a growing girl and she'll be just fine. Although your weight may be a slight factor, she may very well have been under target anyway. She'll be fine sweetheart, and before you know it, she'll be here kicking and screaming."

I said nothing, I was just so worried. I pulled away from him and walked up to the house. When we entered, everyone was sat around the front room (minus Emmett and Alice) and they grinned at us wildly.

Charlie rose from his seat first, coming towards me with a big grin. "My first grandchild is a girl huh?" He asked me, pulling me into an awkward hug. "I've got to get to work but I'm very happy for you Bells. For the both of you," He added as he glanced over at Edward who returned the gesture. "I love you baby, I'll see you soon."

I waved to him as he departed the large house, knowing too well that being around people as perfect as the Cullen's unsettled him. It unsettled me too sometimes.

As Esme moved from me to hug Edward, Carlisle rose from his seat and came over to take my hand. "Bella? Is everything alright?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to stop the tears that were ready to fall. "She's…I…." I couldn't get the words out.

Edward patted my back gently and guided me to the couch. "We were told that she is slightly undeveloped. Her length and weight are under the average guidelines but Jenna told us not to worry – she could grow remarkably in the next few weeks."

Esme gasped loudly but Carlisle didn't seem too surprised. He nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, Bella is underweight and that is a factor to considerate."

Edward shot a warning glance towards his father but I was already affected. Though the comment wasn't supposed to be, I took it rather offensive and felt tears threatening to bubble.

Edward slid his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. "It's not your fault, Bella. She'll be fine."

Even though it killed me, I pulled away from Edward's comforting grip and trotted off towards the stairs. I said nothing, and couldn't even bear to look to up because I knew there would be an immense load of pain on Edward's beautiful face, and that on it's own brought me to tears.

* * *

Aw, poor Bella. She's so worried for her child and worried that she'll mess up...and she misses Rose a lot:'( n'awww! review?:)

xxxx


	5. Rose

**Story Name: Secrets that Heal**

**Chapter Name: Rose's Room**

**Protection: **© Copyright 2012 EmmettMonkeyMan™. All rights reserved.

**Summary: **Sequel to 'Secrets that Kill.' Bella and Edward are still battling through their pasts and trying to grasp the loss of their dear sister and friend, Rose. What will happen when they are both thrust into the world of parenthood? Will they survive? And what surprises are in store for them? Will they be able to handle their emotions, thoughts and relapses with a baby on the way? *better than it sounds.*

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(All of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

I emerged from the small bedroom 20 minutes later, pulling on my warm, snug jacket as I approached the stairs. I already had my shoes on, and I quickly swiped the tears from my eyes before approaching everyone.

"Bella?" Edward questioned from his position on the couch as I passed through the front room. "Where are you going, my love?"

I shrugged softly and shot him a small smile to show that I was okay. "I just thought I'd go visit Rose."

He frowned slightly. "I don't think you should go alone, Bella."

"It's fine." I murmured. I wanted to be alone right now. There was so much on my mind. I turned to Esme. "I'll see you later, alright? Love you all."

Before anyone could protest, I moved towards the door and shut it tight behind me before heading to one of the cars parked in the drive. I wasn't too bothered in what car I took. I quickly chose Edward's Volvo as it was the closest one to me.

As I drove along the roads in silence, I tried not to think too much about what the future would hold for us all. Would my baby girl be born healthy and kicking like Edward had said? I couldn't be sure. I felt so guilty in knowing she was in danger just because I didn't eat enough. It made me so sad. And then there was the fact that Rosalie wasn't here to experience the beautiful little girl. It truly hurt.

A few minutes later, I pulled into the cemetery and got out of the car with a prepared, deep breath. "I'm doing this for Rose." I reminded myself quietly as I walked along the pebble-dashed pathway snaking around the headstones. It made me feel absolutely sick.

With shaking knees, I finally reached the polished stone that now represented the life of my best friend, my sister, my savior. That alone was enough to drive me to tears.

"Hey Rose." I murmured, settling down on the grass near the stone. I stared at her smiling face engraved into the stone and I longed for her to be there with me, telling me it would be okay. "I really don't know what to do. You always knew what to say to me and helped me when I needed it the most. I don't know what to do without you Rose!"

I pulled the small photograph of my baby girl out of my coat pocket gently and stroked the black and white scan with one finger. "Please keep her safe, Rose." I pleaded. "Make sure she's born healthy and well and that she survives this. We all need her. She needs us. You need her, she needs you. Please help her Rose, help us…I can't lose her…not her too." I swiped at my eyes and tucked the picture gently into the bunch of flowers already fresh on her grave from a previous visitor. "Keep it with you – you'd have loved her." I smiled at that. "We've got more pictures at the house. I love you Rose. Never forget me."

With one last look at the grave, I weakly pulled myself to my feet and began to walk back down the path. My visit with Rose had been short, but I had needed her. She always knew what to do. Maybe the answer would come to me.

As I drove back towards the Cullen house, my mind wandered to previous memories of Rose and the 'what ifs' that should have been taking place right at that moment. She shouldn't have been out of our sight at all; she shouldn't have been taken from her life. She deserved to be here with us. I felt incredibly guilty, knowing that if she had known I was pregnant; she'd have never taken her own life. She would have held on just for my baby girl.

I jumped in shock when tapping started from the side of me. "Bella!"

Edward's emerald orbs stared down at me through the car window and I realized in that moment that I had made it home. I smiled softly to let him know I was okay, and pushed the car door open when he finally stepped back. "Hey, Edward."

"I was so worried." He murmured against my hair. His honey, lilac, and sun smell was enough to calm me down. "Did you get out what you needed to?"

I nodded against his chest and sighed softly. "Yeah, I feel a bit better now. Can we go upstairs and just talk and relax for a bit?"

"Sure." He agreed, pulling back, locking the car, and then guiding me into the house.

That was one reason why I loved Edward. He didn't push me and knew exactly what was best for me and how to make me feel better. Even if Rose wasn't here, Edward was, and I had to hold on to that.

"Bella," Edward broke me out of my thinking when he pulled me close and carried me up the stairs into his room. "You're really quiet. Are you sure you're alright, sweetheart?"

I nodded and tried not to burst into tears at his worried face. "I'm fine, Edward, really. I just miss Rose so much…and I don't want our baby girl to be taken from us too…" Tears bubbled in the corner of my eyes unwillingly and I cursed inwardly. Why did I always cry?

He reached forward and cupped my chin with his one hand and then reached up to swipe my tears with the other. "No one will ever take our baby girl away from us, Bella." He told me, his voice sincere.

I shook my head, partly to shake the tears away. "You don't know that, Edward…it's my entire fault!"

"No!" Edward protested, his green eyes swirling with emotion. "No, Bella. She'll be just fine. I know it. If she's anything like her beautiful mother, then she'll make it." He took my hands in his and pulled me down onto the pillows, wrapping me in his arms so my head was on his chest.

"You worry too much, my angel." He whispered quietly, his breath hitting my hair. "You're okay, she's okay, and we're okay."

"I just can't help but worry." I confessed. "I don't know how all these mothers' do it."

"I don't know either," He chucked, obviously amused by that. "But if they did it, then so can you. We just have to be strong."

I nodded, not saying anything. I couldn't argue with him. He always said the right things, which made me so thankful to have him in my life.

_Bella…_

"What?" I sat up quickly, my heart thumping against my chest. I looked around the room, ignoring Edward as he sat up and reached for me. "Wait," I told him. "Be quiet."

I listened to the silence for a few more minutes, certain I'd heard my name being called by…No, it was impossible. Rose was gone. I was denial. She hadn't said my name, she couldn't have.

"Bella?" Edward began to panic as tears rushed down my face. "Shhhh, sweetheart, shhhh."

_Bella!_

"Rose…" I murmured, and then I was plummeting into darkness.

* * *

Yup, this one sucked. Sorry, life has been so busy lately and I haven't found the time to write, and I haven't been that inspired. Everything else is just taking away my writing at the moment. I'm truly sorry. I'll jump right back into this in Word now whilst I have the chance!

Review?:)

What do you think about the ending?;D what do you think is happening?


	6. Thank the Heavens

**Story Name: Secrets that Heal**

**Chapter Name: Rose's Room**

**Protection: **© Copyright 2012 EmmettMonkeyMan™. All rights reserved.

**Summary: **Sequel to 'Secrets that Kill.' Bella and Edward are still battling through their pasts and trying to grasp the loss of their dear sister and friend, Rose. What will happen when they are both thrust into the world of parenthood? Will they survive? And what surprises are in store for them? Will they be able to handle their emotions, thoughts and relapses with a baby on the way? *better than it sounds.*

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(All of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

"Bella," Someone called and I felt like I was being rocked back and forth like I was on a ship. I pried my eyes open and then quickly closed them again from the light.

"Hello, Bella." It was Carlisle's voice. "You can open your eyes again now. I've dimmed the lights."

I did what he said and saw him leaning over me with Edward to his side. Once the ringing in my ears submerged, I sat up slowly and rubbed at my head. My stomach churned with dizziness, but I was fine.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward screeched hysterically, reaching out for me and pulling me into his lap.

My head swirled from the movement and I thought I was going to throw up. When I regained control, I leaned back into his warm chest. "I'm fine," I murmured.

"You passed out." He stated accusingly.

"I was tired." I defended, looking over to Carlisle who raised one perfect eyebrow at me.

"Is your stomach okay?" Edward fussed again, turning me around to face him. "Our little girl's okay?"

I nodded. "My stomach's perfectly fine, Edward. No hurting. I guess I just need to catch up on some sleep."

He smiled softly, stroking my cheek with gentle fingers. "You miss Rose don't you?"

I nodded, unable to speak due to the rising lump in my throat. I missed her so much, and for one tiny moment I'd believed she was there with me, standing in the corner of the room with a big grin on her perfect lips. I sighed.

"Make sure you get a lot of rest and drink plenty of fluids, Bella." Carlisle told me with a smile, and then he left the room to give Edward and I some privacy.

When he was gone, Edward helped me to my feet and led me over to the couch. We'd somehow made it downstairs when I was unconscious. "Would you like any tea, coffee?" When I shook my head, he pressed on. "How about hot chocolate?"

"Yes please!" I eagerly agreed. I loved hot chocolate. It warmed me up and tasted so delicious.

He grinned and shook his head with a laugh and then walked off to the kitchen where Esme was probably putting together some sort of treat.

As my eyes roamed the empty room, I turned my attention to the vacant stairway. It was perfectly still and quiet, quiet enough that I could hear my own breathing. I swallowed softly and made my way to the stairs. They curved around gracefully; the smooth, pine wood shining with cleanness. I smiled inwardly, knowing that Esme liked to clean every single part of the house. She was so proud of her house, and I was always surprised with how professional it looked.

With a small sigh, I took the stairs as quietly as I could and moved along the hallway to Edward's room. When I got to the door, I slowly pushed it open and took a deep breath. I had to do this.

"Rose?" I questioned quietly, making sure no one in the house could hear me.

I was met with silence. I had expected it, but the hope in my heart had been there, if only for a moment.

I shook my head; I was in complete denial. Rose hadn't been here.

Just as I turned around to walk back to the hallway, a noise came from the room.

I span around quickly and walked into the room with determination. I scanned every corner of the room and then sat down on the floor, running my cold fingers along my fragile bump. "Rose, I know you're here…"

_Bella._

My heart skipped a beat, my head feeling very light all of a sudden. She was here. I knew it. She was here looking down on us, making sure we were okay. She could see us, and our baby. We were going to be just fine.

I didn't see Rose, but I could feel her, and hear her. The vibrations in the room sent chills along my body. "I love you Rose. I miss you so much. It wasn't supposed to end like this, you would be so happy now seeing our little baby. I was going to tell you, I'm so sorry. I never got the chance. Please don't forget about us. Please look after our little girl. I can't lose her too. She means a lot to Edward and I already. I know you can keep her safe and watch over her. She needs you. She needs her auntie. We love you Rose, and we won't ever forget."

I sat there for around 10 more minutes before I took some time getting up.

"Bella?!" Edward called from downstairs. "Chocolate's done!"

"I'm coming!" I called down to him, beginning to descend down the stairs.

_Bella._

The air whispered to me, and I shook my head to clear the longing I felt in my chest. I wasn't sure if I was in denial, or if Rose had actually been there.

Once I'd settled onto the couch with Edward and my hot chocolate, I rubbed my bump softly. "I love you sweetie. So, so much. I promise everything is going to be okay."

Edward kissed me on the cheek gently, lowering his hand to rest on top of mine on our baby. It felt so good, like a puzzle clicking into place. "She's so loved." He whispered.

"Yes, she is." I agreed, knowing the Heaven's were with us too.

"So," Emmett screamed gleefully as he ran down the stairs. The footsteps were that loud that you could automatically tell it was him coming towards you. "Can we discuss baby names now?"

Edward and I shared a knowing, exhausted look, before turning to look at Emmett.

He bounced from foot to foot in front of us, a whiteboard and pen in his hand and a wicked grin on his face.

Oh dear Lord, this had better be good.

* * *

Oh wow! I'm so, so sorry for not updating in so long! I had major writers block in the first few weeks and then we've been dealing with a lot of family issues. It's been hectic here, and I've hardly been at home or able to access my documents. I tried my best to keep this chapter going, but I promise I'll try to update fast if I get the reviews! I'll try to write some more now whilst I'm on the computer!

I love you guys!


	7. She was mine

**Story Name: Secrets that Heal**

**Chapter Name: Rose's Room**

**Protection: **© Copyright 2012 EmmettMonkeyMan™. All rights reserved.

**Summary: **Sequel to 'Secrets that Kill.' Bella and Edward are still battling through their pasts and trying to grasp the loss of their dear sister and friend, Rose. What will happen when they are both thrust into the world of parenthood? Will they survive? And what surprises are in store for them? Will they be able to handle their emotions, thoughts and relapses with a baby on the way? *better than it sounds.*

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(All of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

2 months later – 7 months pregnant.

Resting one of my shaking hands on my aching back, I slowly made it up the remaining 3 stairs. When I finally reached the top, I leaned against the wall and took deep breaths. My belly was cramping and shooting pains were running through my back. I was in agony and just needed to lie down.

Carlisle came out of his office at the same I arched over from a sharp pain along my bump. I cradled my baby girl softly, trying to ease away the pain. "Bella?" Carlisle questioned, standing beside me now. He took hold of my arm and eased me up so I was standing straight and then took me into Edward's room.

Edward shot up from the mess of craft work he had spread across his bedroom floor and rushed to my side as Carlisle eased me down onto the bed. "Sweetie? What's wrong? Are you alright?"

"Pain." I murmured quietly, looking up at Carlisle with fear in my eyes.

"Is the pain in your stomach?" He questioned quietly, his soft eyes swirling with alert.

I nodded and clutched Edward's hand in mine. "My back also."

He nodded, and left the room for a few seconds to retrieve his medical bag. "Bella, I think you're having uterine contractions. Abdominal or back pain could be indicators that a preterm birth is about to occur."

"Preterm birth?" Edward asked, panic in his voice. "She's only 7 months!"

"I'm sorry, Bella." Carlisle said softly. "But we feared this from the start. She is underdeveloped and underweight. We need to go to the hospital."

Almost 10 minutes later, I was in the back of an ambulance with a concerned Esme and a freaked out Edward. It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

We wanted to meet our little nudger, but not so soon. She was so tiny! How would she survive in this big world?

The pain in my stomach was increasing by the second, and by the time we were in the hospital, I was trying hard to keep myself awake. The pain was excruciating and I just felt like passing out.

Edward's grip on my hand kept me hanging for a long time, but by the time I was getting examined, I was ready to give up.

"Protect her Edward…don't let her go. Please."

He leaned down with fear in his eyes. "What? Bella?" He stroked my hair softly and I distantly heard him scream when my eyes slid shut.

"Love you Edward." I whispered, just before I slipped into a peaceful oblivion.

Edward Cullen

I paced the bland hospital hallway shakily, my fists clenching tighter as each minute passed.

Emmett sighed from one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs along the wall and shook his head at me. "Edward, would you just sit down? You're making me dizzy."

"I should be in there! Bella's not well and our daughter's in danger!" How could I just sit down and be calm?

He nodded, his eyes softening slightly. "I know that, man, but the doctors will do what they can. She'll be fine. Just come sit down…" he trailed off.

I sighed deeply and moved sluggishly to one of the uncomfortable hospital seats.

Esme joined us a few minutes later and handed over my IPod so that I could distract myself until we heard from the doctors. The soft hum of the piano music eased my troubled thoughts slightly, but I still felt anxious. I just wanted to see my Bella.

A doctor came through the swinging double doors an hour and 20 minutes later, his face solemn. I shot out of the hospital chair before he could speak. "Edward Cullen?" He asked quietly.

I nodded, trying to stop myself from blurting a thousand questions.

"We delivered your daughter successfully. She has been moved to the NICU for further monitoring – she is very small, and very ill. Bella is resting and will be asleep for a few hours."

I nodded, taking in as much information as I possibly could. "Can I see her? My baby?"

The doctor nodded softly. "For now, only you can visit. But we can provide your family with pictures." He smiled sympathetically at the rest of my family.

I looked at her – trying to figure out what to do. It didn't seem fair that the others wouldn't be able to come and see my baby – our baby.

She nodded; a big smile on her face. "Go see your baby!"

Once at the NICU, I took much care in making sure my hands were clean and that I would not bring any infections into the unit. A nurse, who I was informed was caring for my little girl, led me to her quietly, a small smile on her face. "You've got a little beauty." She told me quietly as I approached the small incubator at the corner of the room.

I stood in front of it quietly, staring in at the little life held inside it. My little girl was lying there, on her back with monitors and tubes attached to every part of her body. She had a little, pink wool hat over her small head and a little teddy bear sticker stuck over her oxygen cannula. She was so tiny. The palm of her hand seemed smaller than the surface area of my thumb. Her little feet no longer than the length of my pinky finger. She was so beautiful.

A little pink card with the words, "Congratulations, it's a girl!" on it was being taped to the incubator by the nurse who had brought me to her. She looked at me quietly. "Do you have a name yet?"

I smiled softly as I stared in at my little angel. "Sorry, no. My girlfriend and I have decided, but I want to confirm with her first."

She nodded, as she added the weight of exactly 2lbs to the little slot on the card labeled 'weight'.

I stood in the NICU for a while, just staring at my beautiful little girl. I even got to reach in and touch her hand, her little feet. Even her soft, fair blond hair. She was gorgeous.

And she was mine…

* * *

Hmm;) wonder what they will name her :)


	8. Utter perfection

**Story Name: Secrets that Heal**

**Chapter Name: Utter perfection  
**

**Protection: **© Copyright 2012 EmmettMonkeyMan™. All rights reserved.

**Summary: **Sequel to 'Secrets that Kill.' Bella and Edward are still battling through their pasts and trying to grasp the loss of their dear sister and friend, Rose. What will happen when they are both thrust into the world of parenthood? Will they survive? And what surprises are in store for them? Will they be able to handle their emotions, thoughts and relapses with a baby on the way? *better than it sounds.*

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(All of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Bella Swan

"That's our baby." Bella said, for what seemed like the 40th time in ten minutes. I supported her waist securely, as she was still slightly unstable on her feet, and watched her with a small smile as she stared at our daughter in the incubator.

The nurse who was looking after our baby also seemed amused by Bella's surprised reaction. "Do you guys have a name?" She retrieved the little pink card attached to the incubator and got the pen ready.

"Renesmee Rose." Bella and I both said at the same time, and the nurse looked at us in surprise.

"How would I spell that?" Once all the details were filled in, Bella settled into a huge, caramel colored chair and sighed with a bubble of excitement. The nurse left us alone, and we both stared intently at the little life in front of us.

She was so small, and so tiny. Her skin wasn't so red now, and she was incredibly soft. Her huge, beautiful, curious eyes had opened the day after her birth, and they were a dark blue, as of now. Her fair hair – seemingly mixed between a bronze and a blond – was barely visible on top of her small head. She was perfection; simple utter perfection.

"She's so beautiful, Edward." Bella whispered quietly, snapping away with the digital camera Esme had given her merely hours before. "Reach in and hold her hand," She demanded, shakily rising to her feet. She zoomed in on the camera, snapping a picture of Renesmee's tiny hand wrapped around my index finger.

We were there for almost an hour, nearly 700 shots of Renesmee stored on the little device. I rolled my eyes at Bella. "What are you like, huh?"

"They grow so fast." She informed me, reaching in to stroke our baby's cheek.

I smiled softly. "That they do. She's so pretty – just like her mommy."

Bella blushed softly, reaching to stroke Renesmee's hand. "She has her daddy's hair." She brushed back Renesmee's cotton hat and studied the fair strands with a small smile. "It's so unique."

It was my turn to blush. "It's still fairly blond. It may not turn to bronze..." I knew that it would, but accepting the compliment seemed low of me. This little girl in front of me was part of me, and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. I wasn't a good person. I wanted to give her everything but I was afraid I would let her down.

Bella looked at me, her eyebrows raised. "She has various strands of bronze already, Edward. She's going to look just like you. That's a good thing."

"Yeah." I murmured softly, flicking through the pictures Bella had taken. She was such a beautiful angel.

Bella moved from our daughter, and came to stroke my cheek. "Edward? What's wrong baby?"

I shook my head softly and sat down in one of the chairs. "That's our daughter, Bella…" I looked at the incubator again, my eyes full of tears. "She deserves so much more than someone like me. What if I mess up? What if I cry in front of her? What if I hurt her? What if I hurt myself? How am I supposed to explain to her that I'm depressed?"

Bella bent down beside me which took a lot of effort because she winced in pain. "Don't think like that Edward. It's going to be okay. It may not be today, but someday you're going to be okay again. And like you said; she's our daughter, your daughter. No matter what happens, she'll forgive you and she'll always love you. She'll understand. Let's just focus on making her better, okay?"

I nodded, standing up from the chair quickly which caused my head to spin for a second. "I'm going to go see mom…" I said gently.

Bella nodded; understatement on her face. She went back to our daughter.

I left the NICU quickly, trying to keep my tears in check. I almost ran through the hallways and was told twice to stop running. I just couldn't take it. I felt like I was losing my mind.

It took me 10 minutes to find Esme and the rest of my family. They were gathered together on a huge table in the corner of the hospital's canteen.

I pulled up a chair and slowly sank down in it next to Emmett and Carlisle. I released a small breath and put my head in my hands for a few seconds.

"What's up, bro?" Emmett asked softly, meeting my gaze with concerned eyes. "Baby okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Her names Renesmee. Renesmee Rose."

Esme beamed happily. "You called her Rose!? That is so sweet of you and Bella! I have never heard of the name Renesmee. Where did you find it?"

"We didn't." I said quietly, knowing a light blush was coating my cheeks. "We put your name and Bella's mom's name together and created Rene-esmee."

Esme's mouth was hanging open – she seemed shocked. "Oh good gracious!" Her hands flew to her mouth and she broke out into a grin. "What a beautiful idea!"

I smiled softly, turning on the camera and flicking through the pictures until I found one of my favorites. I brought it up on the screen and showed the family. They all said she was beautiful.

Everyone was blown away.

When I finally had time to myself, I settled into a corner with Renesmee's baby book and slowly started writing. It seemed strange now that she was finally here.

**Its Daddy again baby, (well, Renesmee. I wonder when I'll get used to that.)**

**You're finally here. You are so beautiful, yet so little. My heart loves you but also fears for your safety. Although we were excited to meet you, you came a little more quickly than we expected, and I guess that is totally fine, except that it may have affected your health. I'm keeping my faith though.**

**You're a strong girl – which I can already tell – no matter how tiny you are. You've got a fighting spark just like your mommy. I'm sitting here wondering whose eyes you'll have; who'll you'll turn out to be. You already have my hair, well a bit of it. You remind me a little of your Aunt Rosalie, and that is perfectly fine too.**

**I know she would love you. She loved babies. She would have been a great Auntie. But don't you worry; she's looking down on us from Heaven and helping us get through. She won't let anything or anyone hurt you. We'll be just fine.**

**I love you with every ounce of my being, my whole life is you and your mommy. I can't wait for our future.**

**You are utter, complete perfection.  
**

**Lots of hugs and kisses, and thank you for blessing my life.**

**Daddy x**


	9. Happy, but not happy?

**Story Name: Secrets that Heal**

**Chapter Name: Happy, but not happy?**

**Protection: **© Copyright 2012 EmmettMonkeyMan™. All rights reserved.

**Summary: **Sequel to 'Secrets that Kill.' Bella and Edward are still battling through their pasts and trying to grasp the loss of their dear sister and friend, Rose. What will happen when they are both thrust into the world of parenthood? Will they survive? And what surprises are in store for them? Will they be able to handle their emotions, thoughts and relapses with a baby on the way? *better than it sounds.*

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(All of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Edward Cullen

3 months later

After 3 months of being in the NICU, Renesmee now weighed just under 7lbs, which was a weight big enough to allow her to come home.

I picked Bella and the baby up from the hospital at around 1pm in the afternoon after Renesmee had been cleared to be discharged.

It was an exciting achievement, for not only Bella and I but for Renesmee and the rest of the family, but it was also nerve-racking. Especially for me. During the pregnancy, I was extremely excited about meeting my little angel, but now that she is here and I can see just how tiny and fragile she is, it makes me nervous for her well being.

She was diagnosed with Dyskinetic Cerebral Palsy a few weeks after her birth. The name of her condition scared me more than the actual disorder. It meant that she had problems with her muscle tone, which made it difficult for her to contract her relax her muscles if she needed.

At 3 months old, she was experiencing hypotonia, which made her appear floppy and meant she was unable to control her body. The doctor told us she would eventually progress to hypertonia, where she would appear stiff and rigid.

It was hard to accept that our daughter had this horrible condition, but we vowed we would remain strong for her. She was such a beautiful little baby, a full head of golden and blonde tinted locks that had darkened over time, and big brown eyes that looked just like her mother's. We had to keep fighting for her.

Bella met me outside of the hospital, cradling Renesmee in the crook of her arm in the blanket Emmett had bought her. Pink and yellow were really good colors on her, and just seeing my two angels made me feel a lot better.

As Bella – still slightly weak – got herself settled into the car, I took over with Renesmee and made sure she was buckled safely into her car seat. I stored her belongings in the boot and then pulled away from the hospital, heading for home.

The silence in the car didn't last for too long, but then Bella eventually erupted it. "She's beautiful…isn't she?"

I looked over at Bella before looking in my mirror at our little nudger sleeping in her car seat. "Of course she is."

"You know…" Bell said softly. "She looks like Rose."

I nodded, taking a turn on the road. "That's good, Bella. Rosalie was beautiful and had a great personality. And I am sure Renesmee will be so much more."

"She looks like you too." Bella smiled softly, looking over at me with soft eyes. "I know you're really scared and that things have changed so quickly, but she'll be alright. And we'll be okay too. We're not little kids anymore. I know we have a lot of problems underneath that need dealing with but Renesmee comes first now. She needs a lot of care and our attention."

I nodded. "I know…I just wish…I just…" I shook my head, finding it hard to gather words. "I just want her to be healthy and happy."

Bella smiled, and I knew she understood. "I want her to be healthy too. But she's here, and she's with us, and that's all that matters."

I couldn't find any words to say, so I nodded and we carried on through the rest of the journey in silence.

When we arrived at the house, the front door swung up, nearly flying off its hinges, and Emmett's huge frame sprinted down the porch. "My monkey's home!? YES!" His voice boomed through the covers of the car and hit our ears like thunder. I rolled my eyes and slowly got out of the car.

Emmett was fond of Renesmee. Ever since he laid eyes on her, he planned to be the best Uncle in the whole world. Of course, this left huge competition for Jasper, who loved Renesmee with every ounce of his being.

Renesmee was sleeping in her car seat, her head to the side and her tongue lolling out of her mouth. I smiled at the sight of her and gently retrieved her from the car and into the safety of my arms. The limp feeling of her in my arms sometimes made me sad, but I had to try and think of her beyond her condition. She was just as amazing as any other little girl.

Emmett towered over me at my side, bouncing gleefully on his feet in eagerness. He reached out his hands like a toddler asking for candy and grinned like the Cheshire Cat. "Gimme!"

I looked down at Renesmee's sleeping face and stroked her cheek with soft fingers. "She's fragile, Emmett. You have to be careful..." Reluctantly, I handed my little angel over to Emmett. It scared me a little to see her tiny frame in his huge arms, but he was gentle.

Since Bella had gone into the house, I followed behind Emmett hesitantly, my hands fluttering by my sides in case Renesmee came to any danger. My nerves settled a little once Emmett was settled on the couch with her.

Esme peered over his shoulder at the back of the couch and smiled softly. There were tears in her eyes, but she was happy. She hadn't been so happy, not after Rose died.

But with Renesmee, the life in our family seemed to come back to life. Bella was happy, and was eating again. Esme was back to taking care of the garden and smiled a lot more. Carlisle wasn't so edgy and seemed to talk with more emotion than the dullness he spoke with after we lost Rose. Jasper and Emmett were doing things to occupy their thoughts – playing football, ruining Esme's garden, playing computer games. Alice was holding up, but I still caught her crying at times. Shopping was a big distraction for her.

And then there was me…broken, vulnerable Edward, who couldn't seem to stop thinking about suicide. Who had tried to kill himself. Who sat awake at night releasing all his feelings by running a blade along his wrists. Broken, vulnerable Edward who pretended he was so happy and then fell apart at night. That was me.

I watched the family interact with Renesmee with a feeling of numbness and distance. It was like everything was moving around me and I was doing things, but I wasn't really here. I was somewhere else in my mind, watching everything from the sidelines.

I was protective of my girl, but I was so scared for her. I was scared _of _her. I didn't want to scare her or hurt her. I wanted her to grow up happy and optimistic and with a sense of great excitement for the world. I didn't want her to turn out like me. Or Bella. I wanted her to be happy.

Eventually, Bella retrieved Renesmee from Emmett and before glancing over at me with concern in her features, she headed off to the kitchen to feed her.

I stood up numbly, not intending to follow, but to be alone. When Renesmee wasn't around, it was then I could leave. But I wanted to spend every waking moment with her.

I went up to my room and sat on the bed, staring blankly at the white wall in front of me. I thought I would be happy when I had a family. I should've been happy, I had everything a person could dream of. A home, a supportive family, my beautiful Bella, and my precious baby girl. So why was I so sad?

Would I always feel this way?

* * *

I know I haven't updated my stories at all, and this might not be as good as before, but I just don't know how I feel right now. I don't know how I'm feeling inside and my head feels out of place. We've been having some family problems.

My little girl saw the cuts and scars on my wrist even though I've tried to hide them from her since she were 1 year old.

Everything seems to be falling apart again, when they were starting to get better...

Please review, it will inspire me.

I'm sorry.


	10. Save me Edward

**Story Name: Secrets that Heal**

**Chapter Name: Save me Edward…**

**Protection: **© Copyright 2012 EmmettMonkeyMan™. All rights reserved.

**Summary: **Sequel to 'Secrets that Kill.' Bella and Edward are still battling through their pasts and trying to grasp the loss of their dear sister and friend, Rose. What will happen when they are both thrust into the world of parenthood? Will they survive? And what surprises are in store for them? Will they be able to handle their emotions, thoughts and relapses with a baby on the way? *better than it sounds.*

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(All of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Edward Cullen

I walked into Renesmee's room quietly. It was 5pm in the evening and I had just popped off to the bathroom as she was in her bouncer. She normally dropped off within the hour, but was wide-eyed and trying to master a smile. I sat crossed-legged opposite her and gave the bouncer one more little flick to get it bouncing.

Something seemed odd today.

She wasn't a very distracted baby as she always looked into somebody's eyes. She never stared at anything around her but people – she was focused. But today, she was staring past me to look at the wall. Her orbs were sparkling and the lines on either side of her mouth were upturned, as if the thing she was looking at was very amusing.

"What you looking at, huh?" I mused softly, turning to stare at the wall behind me. I saw nothing. I didn't expect to see anything.

But even when I turned back around to face her, she was still staring past me, making a soft noise.

I shook my head, removing her from the bouncer and into my arms. I brushed back her thick hair protectively. She was so beautiful. I tried to ignore the way her body sagged against me.

By the time it was 6pm, she still refused to take her nap, so I retrieved my aching limbs from the floor, still cradling her small frame, and made my way across the hall to Carlisle's office.

I walked in without knocking, which caused him to glare at me with annoyance. He lowered the novel he was reading though and studied Renesmee and me. "Edward? Is there anything I can help you with?"

I looked down at my baby girl before answering him. "There's something wrong with Renesmee."

He furrowed his brow – knowing fully that she was doing good and handling things just fine. He had checked her over the previous day. "Why do you think so? Did she unsettle during the night? She may just-"

I held my hand up to stop him. "She keeps staring at things and laughing. Things like walls. She never does that. Why would a wall make her laugh?"

A silence filled the room for more than 5 minutes. Carlisle moved from behind his desk and hesitantly walked towards me, his eyes scrutinizing every inch of my body. Eventually, his eyes narrowed and he sighed. "Edward…there is nothing wrong with Renesmee. She is just a baby. Now, why don't you go give her to Esme and you and I can have a little talk…"

"I'm not ill, Carlisle." I refused. He thought I was losing it. He honestly thought I was going crazy. Maybe I was.

The office door shut behind me with a click. I left without knowing his reply. I wouldn't let my family think I was crazy. I had vowed to myself I wouldn't break – for Renesmee. She needed me.

Exhausted with the thoughts on my mind, I entered Renesmee's room and settled her down in her crib. I didn't fail to notice the way her crystal clear eyes trailed back to the wall.

Once in the hallway, I ran into Emmett. He grinned at me, swiping me on the back. "Hey man! How's my monkey?"

"She's fine." I said distantly, avoiding his eyes. "She's going to sleep."

Despite my reassurance, he pushed passed me and into her room. Maybe he would get her to sleep for me.

With a sudden urge to do things I knew were wrong, I stood in the small hallway and took deep breaths, my hands balled into shaking fists. My throat went dry, my heartbeat gaining speed. Without thinking about it, my shaking legs carried me along the hall to the empty bathroom. Once inside, my numb hand slid the lock across and I collapsed onto the floor.

Since the birth, everything seemed to be crashing. I couldn't handle it. Trying to be strong when I was at my weakest was hard. No matter how much I needed to protect my beautiful baby girl.

Obliviously, I reached for the razors stored on top of the medicine cabinet. I barely processed the thought and didn't notice what I was doing until a sharp pain jolted me from my numbness. I looked at my pale wrist, the bright streak glinting in the bathroom's blunt glare. I swallowed the excess spit in my mouth as the blood bubbled up along the line and then ran around the side of my wrist.

I took a shaky breath, relaxing softly. This was my heaven. I couldn't help it.

The peacefulness didn't last long, as a knock sounded on the bathroom door moments later. "Eddie!" Emmett's booming voice called out from behind the door. "I need a pee! Nessie's sleeping!"

The razor dropped from my hands and I quickly bent down to gather it up. I rinsed it once and shoved it back in its place above the cabinet. I pulled my long sleeve down and unlocked the door, trying to compose myself.

Emmett wasn't one to notice things, but my well-being didn't seem to pass him today. His gaze lingered on my wrist for too long and I started to get uncomfortable, until he eventually looked back up to my face. "Hey, you alright?"

I nodded, unable to find my voice to verbally assure him.

"You want to talk? Like I know I'm not a parent or anything, but I can see how hard it must be…" His eyes were sincere – he truly did care.

My eyes trailed to Renesmee's door and I shook my head at Emmett. "It's not Renesmee…She's amazing."

"Are you…sick again Edward?" He asked me, his bright, innocent eyes searching for the truth.

I swallowed hard, desperate to keep all the secrets tightly hidden. I couldn't bring them into this. Not if they didn't care. "No, Emmett! I'm not sick. I was never sick in the first place." I protested a bit too bitterly.

Emmett stood there and stared at my shaking frame for a few seconds longer before he smiled sadly and headed for Carlisle's office.

Tears welled in the corner of my eyes, and I closed them briefly as I took a deep breath. Supporting my frame with my one hand against the wall, I slowly slid to the floor. The tears released themselves unwillingly and I clasped my arms around myself for comfort and protection. The rocking and sobbing started up almost immediately, and a small whine left my throat.

'_Edward,'_ a familiar voice whispered. Something seemed heavy against my shoulder but there was nothing or no one there. There were no people to possibility say my name.

I grasped the sides of my head in disbelief, terrified I was going insane.

'_Edward…I need you to save me…' _the voice came again.

I took a deep breath, hesitant. "Rose..?"

'_Edward…I love you…'_

"I don't know if you're here…but Rose, I miss you."

'_Help me…Edward.'_

* * *

My mental state has honestly been awful these past few weeks...I didn't know whether I was coming or going. Turns out my medication was beginning to affect me rather than help me, and as soon as I got put on the new medication, things started looking up, though I relapsed multiple times with self harm and purging :( *sad times..*

Then...I got sick. I simply thought it was the flu. Had that little motherly feeling ;), bought a pregnancy test and there we have it :) expecting my 4th baby:') and 3rd pregnancy. woo. (my first pregnancy was twins, second a girl.) Don't judge ;) I know I'm a really young mom!

Please review :))

Is Rose back? :)


	11. If this was being insane

**Story Name: Secrets that Heal**

**Chapter Name: If this was being insane  
**

**Protection: **© Copyright 2012 EmmettMonkeyMan™. All rights reserved.

**Summary: **Sequel to 'Secrets that Kill.' Bella and Edward are still battling through their pasts and trying to grasp the loss of their dear sister and friend, Rose. What will happen when they are both thrust into the world of parenthood? Will they survive? And what surprises are in store for them? Will they be able to handle their emotions, thoughts and relapses with a baby on the way? *better than it sounds.*

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.

Families:

Swans;

**Bella**

**Charlie **

Cullen's;

**Carlisle**

**Esme**

**Emmett (oldest of the bunch)**

**Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)**

**Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)**

**Alice (the youngest of the bunch)**

**(All of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)**

* * *

Edward Cullen

"_Edward," _The voice came again. _"Help me. Edward, please help me."_

I took calming deep breaths, pulling my legs up to my chest with shaking hands. I couldn't be insane. I couldn't be. Why was this happening? "Rose?"

"_It's me, Edward. Please understand."_

"Rose..." I swallowed the sick feeling in my throat, looking around me for any sign of my dead sister. "I don't understand. Rose, I watched you die."

"_I'm too weak to stay long, Edward. I can't explain. But I'm here. I've always been here. Please…help me."_

"I don't know how." I cried softly, running the back of my hand over my eyes. I felt shaky and sick, and couldn't believe what was happening. If this was what being insane was like, then I would gladly welcome it. I had missed Rose so much.

There was no reasonable answer other than I was crazy. She couldn't be here…not unless she was some kind of spirit.

"Edward?" The voice that came to me next did not sound like Rose. It wasn't. Bella was heading up the stairs, and stopped short when she saw me in a shattered mess against the wall.

She rushed towards me and gently took my shaking, cold hands in her small, warm ones. "Baby? What's wrong?"

I stared at her numbly, silent tears dripping down my face and off my jaw. "Bella…I heard…I…"

"What did you hear baby?" She cupped my face in her hands with nothing but tenderness. Her big doe eyes stared at me sincerely with concern and love.

"Rose..." My voice cracked on her name, and a sob escaped my throat. "I heard Rose." My voice was barely a whisper, but then I began to shout. "But she's dead, Bella! She's dead!"

Bella's features contracted into a frown as she sunk down in front of me, pulling me into her arms. "I know, baby. I know. But, I heard her to. She's here, Edward. I know she is."

"Promise me I'm not nuts, Bella. Promise me. I can't be nuts…"

"You're not nuts, my precious baby. I'm right here. I'm always going to be right here. We'll do this together, alright?" She soothed me softly and we sat like that for what seemed like hours.

We only moved when the cries of our daughter shook us back to reality.

Bella sighed and rose to her feet. "I'll go see to her. Why don't you go take a shower for the moment? Then when you're done, we can snuggle up and watch films?"

She was about to head off, but I caught her by the wrist and drew her back. "She sees her, Bella. Renesmee sees Rose…That's why she hardly looks at us. It's not because she's ill. It's Rose. She can see Rose. They say babies have the 'sight'."

Bella nodded, reassuring me and then headed off to Renesmee's room.

I was about to head into the bathroom to take a shower like Bella had suggested, but Emmett and Carlisle were coming out of Carlisle's office.

Carlisle stared at me, Emmett slightly behind him. They were blocking my entry to the bathroom. "Edward, is everything alright, my son?"

"Yes, thank you." I tried to push past them, but Carlisle stopped me with his arm.

He raised one perfect, fair eyebrow at me. "Is that so? Then you would not mind showing me your wrists, Edward?"

My gaze slid to Emmett, remembering he had found me in the bathroom.

"If it's because I was in the bathroom earlier, it was because I was having a pee. Why can't people pee around here?" My tone was bitter, and Carlisle knew it. I tried to remain calm so that they wouldn't suspect anything, but my tone was defensive. They could tell.

"Then why is there any problem in showing me your wrists?" Carlisle asked me.

"Just because I'm your son doesn't mean you can strip me." I replied indignantly, as if he had excused me of stealing something of his. "Now please, I'm taking a shower."

"Dad, just leave it." Emmett interrupted from behind Carlisle. "I'll talk to him later. At least he's not breaking down." He moved around Carlisle to speak to me. "It's only because we care, Edward."

I nodded, and quickly rushed around them to the bathroom. I slid the lock in place before they could stop me. What was wrong with this family? It was like everyone wanted to gang up on me. As though I would break at any moment.

"I do hope you're not watching me shower, Rose." I muttered with a smile as I stripped and climbed into the shower. Bella always knew what was best. The hot water soothed my muscles and calmed my nerves.

I was in the shower for nearly 45 minutes before I decided that that was probably long enough. I quickly got dressed and headed into Bella and I's bedroom. She was lying on the bed, shaking a little toy in front of Renesmee's face. The balls inside the toy rattled against each other and a nursery rhyme erupted the silence.

Like always, Renesmee seemed impassive. Her eyes followed me as I entered the room and she stuck her thumb into her open mouth with what looked like a smile.

"Hey babygirl." I murmured with praise, lifting her up into the air. Keeping my arms firmly around her, I lifted her into the air as though I was throwing her. When I brought her back down, I gently nuzzled her button nose against mine. "Daddy loves you. Yes, he does."

She let out an approved gurgle and settled herself into my arms.

Bella smiled at the two of us. "She loves you so much. She's such a daddy's girl." She patted the space next to her on the bed and I joined her.

"Sure she is." I smiled softly, playing with her tiny little fingers and then reaching to tickle her toes. "I see Auntie Alice has made an appearance." I looked down at my daughter's pink and white stripped onsie with Minnie Mouse on and her bright yellow tutu and yellow flower headband. Alice was ever the stylish, and loved designing clothes or playing with Renesmee.

Bella laughed, pulling the tutu down so that it wasn't so far up Renesmee's chest. "You bet she did. This kid has more clothes than the two of us put together!"

I smiled softly. Bella was absolutely right. Renesmee did have more clothes than the two of us put together.

"Edward," Bella started, reaching for my hand. "I'll always be here for you."

"As will I." I murmured softly.

* * *

aw :) Our favourite Rosie seems to be back :) but is this good or bad? :P

thanks for the congratulations on my baby the two reviewers! :)


End file.
